Fledgling startup Positive Inverse is emerging from stealth mode with their new on-demand service specializing in providing uninventive and overly cautious enterprises with a suite of tools for denying anything from innovative ideas to standard changes required for moderinization. “We think there is a real market here.” Roger Snozcumber, founder and Chief Negating Office proudly proclaimed. “Look, there are a myriad of monolithic businesses out there that are absolutely terrified of any change whatsoever but may be too busy, aloof, or just plain embarassed to admit that they are too afraid of progress. “These things are scary, and it could really cause some serious damage to the C suite annual bonuses.” Mr. Snozcumber mused.
Sourcing nearly 50% of their 8 employees from doddering old businesses that have utilized the same business model, technology, and operating practices for, in some cases, over a hundred years, Positive Inverse aims to provide “No as a Service” and for customers that an external service is just far too revolutionary, permanent “Request Denied by Default” on-prem resources. Their initial suite of services includes responding and denying the following requests:
- “Can we work remotely?”
- “We would like to increase the IT budget.”
- “Is there any possibility of hiring help?”
- “Can I be off call while on vacation?”
- “Can I go to this required training on {$anything}”
- “Can IT we wear jeans” / “Can IT be exempted from wearing business suits”
Additionally, there are speciality “hell no” add-on packages addressing:
- “Can we work on an IPv6 plan?”
- “Can I run a linux workstation?”
- “Can we look at cloud services for {$anything}?”
- “Can we schedule a maintenance window for this critical patch?”
- “Is it possible for IT to change {$anything}”
“We see this as a real gold mine”, Mr. Snozcumber continued. “We play the role so the top executives can delay retirement and really enjoy their vacation homes while taking full salaries for years to come.”
At the time of this printing Positive Inverse has raised 90 million in contracts from several firms in the insurance and finance verticals, solely based on their on-prem offerings. When asked if they plan to expand, JFI was told to submit all further questions by fax.